True Love and False Love

These are the rough notes of the talk delivered by Shaykh Kamaluddin Ahmed on Feb 14, 2015 in UK.

What is False Love?

It is either creation; beauty of a non-mehram.
Or it is money, prestige, power and position.

These are the 2 big false loves. Everyone out there is trying to pull others in this direction. I am even too ashamed now to tell what type of things are happening. They are happening in every community regardless of how many Muslims live in that community.

This is what Allah swt did with the munafiqoon, that He hid their nifaaq so well that even sahaba ra didn’t know who they were. But they will get the worst punishment on the day of Judgement. They had nifaq in imaan. We also have nifaq in a’maal. We should also be scared for ourselves.

The secret sin that only you and Allah taala knows, that sin is the most terrifying sin and a person should do the strongest tawbah from that. Either it is the second type of love that he cheated to get some money. When they pull it off successfully, and the other person don’t find out, that is even more scary because only Allah taala knows now. Why would you do that? Why would you misrepresent your product,why would you hide your income? Because they love this world.

Nabi SWS has made it clear that haram and halal are clear. Between these two there will be times when your heart will be unsure. That is your heart telling you. Nabi sws has said ask your heart. Heart will tell them, if they love Allah swt then they will not do it. They will say “mera dil nahi maanta”. But if the person has love of this world, his heart will also tell him, but he steps on his heart. This conscience of heart was a gift from Allah swt but he quietens it down.

You ask so many people, and even you ask me, in the hope to get an answer that will make it halal for you. You bring your love of this world. If you have any doubt leave it entirely, don’t be tempted.

More problem lies in the first fake love; love for women, for beauty. Here also your heart will feel that the desire you have is wrong. If the person loves Allah swt He will leave it. But if he is intoxicated, he will step on his heart. Sometimes it is even a literal feeling, they will feel it in their heart and forcefully they will quieten itdown.

There are certain differences between false love and true love.

1. False love is materialistic. Beauty in women is meterialistic. It is just skin, just tissues that are arranged in a particular way. A great wali Malik bin dinar RA was once travelling when he saw a huge crowd. He went to see why everyone had gathered. Turned out there was a slave girl challenging everyone to will buy her, that I’m so beautiful even my owner is in love with me, so who would dare to pay my price? So Malik bin dinar said I will buy her and went home to get something. The girl and people started laughing that even this old man is in love with her because of her beauty. So she took him to her owner. The owner also laughed and asked how much he would pay for her. He said I will pay 2 dates. Now everyone became silent. He explained that even 2 dates are a high price since the beauty of this girl would not last and soon she would become wrinkled. Actually he wanted to teach them all a lesson that beauty of this world is not worth anything.

2. False love is not loyal. Whichever love is based on just physical lust, it will ultimately end up in dislike for one another. You will be fed up and get sick of them after sometime.

3. False love is ‘love at first sight’. It has no reflection, contemplation or wisdom.

4. False love blinds the person. A person is blinded to the faults of the person. You tell them look this girl doesn’t even have imaan. He will say no I can’t leave her. You say she doesn’t believe in your Nabi SWS and your rabb Allah swt. He will say, ‘no, I can’t leave her, I’m blinded’. You can try anything.

Sahaba ra were not like that. It is also a way of explaining of Nabi sws: how can you be attracted to someone, she will necessarily be someone’s mother/daughter/sister. Sahaba ra realized this was a problem. And today you tell them look she is somebody’s wife, she is your own borther’s wife, he will say I still have desire. He is blinded by love.

5. False love gives them a high and then they crash. And that’s how it goes. It’s a strange lifestyle. They have episodes of uncontrollable desire of sin, and then they crash. They come to masjid and they might pray as well. But this person is not “mustaqeem”.

6. False love causes sorrow. It makes them sad. They walk around sad and in anxiety. There’s no more noor left on their face. They are always in tension.

7. False love invokes anger of Allah swt. In salah we recite “ghayril maghzoob” – the person whom Allah swt is angry with. But these people are so blinded, they become immune to this that Allah swt is angry at them.

8. False love brings destruction. If the person keeps going on this path, they will get two types of punishment. Firstly, their whole life will collapse in this world, they will be disgraced and embarrassed. Second they will get spiritual destruction – they will lose the noor, they will lose their a’maal – then they will get azab of qabar. Then this spiritual destruction will continue and they will get azab of Jahannum.

What is True Love?

True love: Desire, love and attraction, longing, and looking only inside nikkah. It’s not just physical. It means nothing outside nikkah – no liking, no noticing of beauty outside nikkah, no appreciating. Anything outside of nikkah is false love. This is called mard e mu’min. Nabi sws said if you don’t have haya then do whatever you want. This is rehmatulil aalameen sws talking! It means that if you want to notice beauty outside nikkah, if you want to have a liking outside of nikkah, then do whatever you want, I have nothing to do with you. It is fard upon us to have this true love. This is not some high-level thing only for muttaqeen.

1. True love is spiritual. You have to love the sifaat. You can’t see that – character is not on display. If you are a spiritual person, and you don’t value beauty and other material things. Then you will become allergic to anything outside of nikkah. This is the tazkiya. Deen came to teach us how we should feel. Deen came to teach us our feelings should not be based on material things.

2. True love has commitment. You do get married, but if you are not loyal then that is not commitment. Nabi sws showed what commitment is: eternal loyalty and eternal commitment. You do nikah with her, she will be your wife forever. Deen is teaching you how you should feel about your wife. People don’t feel this way, so they quickly issue divorce for petty and foolish reasons.

3. True love is not love at first sight. True love matures over time. Very few people can tell me that in 10 – 15 years of time they have come closer to one another. After 25 years they are saying Maulana somehow I want to get some other wife in jannah! Just not giving talaq is not enough. You must have the true sunnah feelings for your spouse.

4. True love forgives faults of others. You will not be blinded to their faults. You will know their faults. But you will overlook it. Allah swt has put in the hearts of couples muwaddah and rehmah – it means you overlook the faults. Allah swt put this rehmah in your heart to deal with her faults. You want to take out that rehmah from your heart? Your feeling here is not that I’m blinded – yes I’m aware of the faults but I overlook them. You are living in a myth that I’m not happily married because she has these faults.

5. True love gives constant sakoon. As opposed to extreme highs and lows.

6. True love ends up in happiness and joy. It is the greatest happiness and joy of their lives. Every second that they are married they get sawab. This is how much Allah swt values this true love.

7. True love is a source of izzat and honour. Allah swt says they are like clothing for one another. You will feel like that also – you will feel honoured as well. By becoming a faithful husband, you will feel the dignity in yourself.

8. True love is spiritual progress. It gives qurb with Allah swt.

In deen you must have 2 true loves. One is to have love in nikkah. And second is to have love for Allah swt. And these two things are interconnected.

What is true love for Allah swt? Every believer should have this:

Hadith: A person will be in akhirah with whom they love. Love for Allah and loving for Allah’s sake has such a power that it will determine your level in Jannah. It’s such a shame that we give our hearts away so quickly. This is that heart with which Allah swt has given you a special power. Nabi SWS taught us to make this dua: Allah swt I ask that you give me love for You, and I ask that you give me love for anyone who loves You.

Those people who love their mashaikh, people get scared of this concept. This is proven by Sahih Hadith. My answer with full confidence is that yes one must love their shaykh. Because if you love your Shaykh, you will be with them, but the Shaykh loves his Shaykh. So you will get to be with his Shaykh – all the way to Nabi sws. This is the importance of silsila.

Those people who truly love their shaykh, Allah swt protects them from false love and satanic love. This is the Sunnah teaching.

Hadith: On the day of Judgement 7 groups will get the shade of Allah swt. One are those who loved for the sake of Allah swt. Either you start living these ahadith, or you start slipping. It’s your choice

The power of loving for Allah’s sake is that it will give you a burning love for Allah swt.

Our deen has given us a method.

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“To be human is to necessarily love. The heart will always love. It is your choice who you love, how you love, why you love. This is not something new. This love can be found in every generation. Our niyyat tonight isto make tawbah for ourselves, for our ummah, and especially for those who are stuck in this tonight. Make strong niyyat to get strong love of Allah swt. Don’t rationalise anything. Just stop all false love altogether. Make intention to leave everything impure and get everything pure – and then make effort towards it.”

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